Toxic People Are Real — Here's What Makes Them That Way 🧱

Not all pain is accidental. Some patterns are the problem — and it starts with learning how to spot them.

The phrase toxic people gets thrown around a lot — often too casually, sometimes not enough.

But when I use it, I’m talking about something specific: people who consistently behave in ways that distort, dismiss, or damage your sense of self.

Not every rude person is toxic. Not every misunderstanding is abuse. But some people — due to their own unresolved issues, personality patterns, or survival adaptations — create chronic harm in their relationships. Especially when you’re vulnerable.

Here’s what I’ve learned from years of clinical work and lived experience:

---

🚩 A toxic person will:

• Reverse cause and effect
  “You made me act that way.” They blame your reaction for their behavior.

• Shift between roles
  They might be a victim in one moment, the hero in the next, and the aggressor right after that.

• Exploit empathy
  Your self-reflection, your willingness to see “both sides,” your emotional openness — these things will be used against you.

• Use confusion as control
  You’ll find yourself questioning what just happened. That’s not a coincidence.

---

What does this do to your nervous system?

It makes you hypervigilant. Cautious. Quiet. It teaches your body that safety depends on keeping someone else calm — even if they’re the one causing the chaos.

And if you grew up around this dynamic, it might even feel normal.

---

So how do you know if someone is toxic?

Start with this:
How do you feel after being around them?
– Drained?
– Small?
– Self-doubting in a way that’s familiar but hard to name?

Toxic people don’t always look like villains. Often they’re charming, generous, or “just having a hard time.” But if they’re consistently eroding your self-trust, something’s not right.

---

The hardest part?

Realizing it wasn’t just a rough patch or a communication issue.
It was a pattern.
And you adapted to it.

But the good news is:
You get to unlearn it.
And you don’t need anyone else to agree before you start trusting yourself again.

—

New podcast:
🎧 Toxic — It Was Never Safe
Now streaming. For those of us who had to figure it out the hard way.